You're not broken, you just need some new skills.

I work with small groups of high-performing men to build this skillset in 90 days.

Last updated 16 July 2026. Applications are now open for September.

Hey Brother,

Thanks for being here.

I wanted to start by letting you know that I wrote every word here, so this is me talking to you, not AI.

I love using AI tools for a lot of things, but not for this part.

What we’ve gotten wrong about masculinity

Healthy masculinity isn’t about subtracting. We should be proud of the skills that got us here.

As men, we learn to be ambitious, disciplined, hard working, assertive, competitive, decisive, aggressive, brave, tough, and strong for everyone. These are very important, when the situation calls for it. We shouldn’t ‘subtract’ these from our personality.

That being said, if you’re reading this, you probably already see that we also need to be nurturing, intuitive, empathetic, compassionate, collaborative, receptive, vulnerable, connected, and adaptable, when the situation calls for it.

You probably also already see that there are levels of leadership, contentment, connection, peace, confidence and alignment that will come from this growth.

Healthy masculinity is about adding, not subtracting.

The elephant in the room

As a man, the frustrating part is figuring out how to learn and apply these skills of emotional intelligence, minus all the performative Instagram-style vulnerability, woo-woo trauma-bonding, touchy-feely therapy culture, and victim mindset that’s pervasive online.

Emotional intelligence is about learning to apply the right version of you to the right situation.

That’s it.

It doesn’t need to be dressed up in language about ‘manifesting’ and ‘speaking your truth’.

Emotional intelligence is a learnable skillset, not a bunch of personality traits we’re born with.

We just don’t get taught these skills growing up, which is the whole reason why I’m passionate about doing this work.

I don’t want to be your crutch

Please understand that I have no intention of being anyone’s guru, nor do I want to be anyone’s crutch.

I am just a set of training wheels — I encourage you to learn the skills and fly on your own.

I happen to have the background and experience to teach these skills without being a pretentious prick.

In this 3-month mentorship program called The Realignment, I help you learn and apply them.

That’s it.

The change we can expect

In the next 90 days:

Become less reactive, and more in control.Not by gritting your teeth harder, but by learning the right skills. First, we build the space between something happening, and our response to it. Then, we build nuance and clarity so we can be angry without being cruel, sad without shutting down, firm without being an asshole, loving without feeling guarded, and vulnerable without feeling weak. Your fuse gets longer and you feel clearer – the people closest to you will notice this the most.
Feel closer to the people who matter than you’ve felt in years. This applies to your partner, your kids, your closest circle, and yourself. First, it is about learning the frameworks for emotional acuity, then learning to process and manage those emotions, and then learning to communicate them well. These are all just skills. Confidence comes with knowledge and practice. We build on both.
Feel lighter and more confident in who you are. This is a symptom of finding alignment between your thoughts, actions, values, beliefs and emotions. Better alignment helps us unlock more contentment, confidence, and connection. It also helps us shed the numbness and hollowness. A teaser: The key to this work is building a better reputation with ourselves first. Men need evidence, not affirmations.

When you join a cohort, you and I will have a 90-minute Alignment call to personalise each of these 3 points, so we know exactly what we’re aiming for in your life.

"I was introduced to Ian through a mutual friend who knew I was recovering from cancer, with a young family and a corporate job involving a lot of travel… I've gained valuable skills in communication and connection, improving my relationships and creating deeper bonds. I now live a more purpose-driven life, with clarity and focus on what truly matters."

- Mike Morrison, business owner

The commitment

The commitment is 90 days because I get that you want to do this work, but you are busy, and there are tradeoffs for your time.

The one-time upfront investment is $5000 to learn and have these skills forever.

Here’s what we’ll crush for 3 months:

Monthly 1:1 sessions with me(not including our initial 90-minute Alignment call) — private, structured, aimed at what's most pressing in your life right now.
Weekly group calls with me– no posturing, no assholes, only people like you ready to work (I personally screen each cohort member). There’s a framework and theme for each session.
The full TBB curriculum – bite-sized video modules with workbooks that you can watch and complete at your own pace, with specific recommendations leading up to each group call.
Lifetime access to a private community of men in the same boat. No bots, no performative nonsense, just realness, support and accountability.
Direct DM access to me between sessions.

That’s like 2-3 hours a week.

If you show up ready for the 1:1s and group sessions, and work the curriculum, but don’t get the change we were aiming for, I’ll keep working with you for free after the 90-day period until you do.

"Working with Ian was one of the best investments I've ever made… I am able to live healthy, free and confident, on my terms."

- Adrian Hunter, tech founder & investor

A little more about me

Several years ago I built and ran a 150-person wellness business across seven countries. It crashed after 11 years due to covid complications. In the most stressful times, my health crashed as well – panic attacks, migraines so bad I couldn’t walk, two weeks in the hospital, 15 pills a day to recover when I got out…

Having to manage all of that while navigating serious illness and two deaths in my closest circle, fractured relationships, and fatherhood was almost too much.

Despite years of leading and mentoring teams, a psychology degree, and a postgrad degree in high performance coaching, I was astonished at how hard it was to put myself back together. I was embarrassed at the gap between book knowledge and real-life application. Especially for men.

This is why I built TheBrotherBu – to help men learn the practical tools of emotional intelligence, resilience, and real self-care, so we can find our own path to contentment, joy and connection.

I'm not selling a path I haven't walked.

I don’t take this work lightly at all.

“… I improved not only the frequency of my communication but also its depth, which profoundly enhanced my relationships both at work and in life. I owe much of my leadership and coaching abilities to him."
- Gene Leong, managing director

Before you apply

The next step is a short application process – the reason I do this is simple.

In each cohort, I intentionally keep the group small so we can do high quality work pretty quickly. So…

This won't work for you if you...

Are in active crisis or seriously struggling with your mental health. If this is you, you need 1:1 therapy, not a mentorship program. Send me an email at ian@thebrotherbu.com and I can point you to a good therapist.
Want someone to just come in and fix the problems for you. I can provide the tools and support, but you are responsible for how you show up.
Are shopping for a 30-day feel-good transformation. This is real work for driven men who understand that growth comes through discomfort, and who are willing to put in the work.
Believe "that's just who I am" is a fact. Many of the patterns we get stuck in are stories we tell ourselves because of our past experiences. If you're not willing to question them, it’s impossible to get lasting change.

But if you...

Have built some of the visible markers of a good life like career, family, some accolades, but sense that something is off. Perhaps wins feel hollow, or you feel frustrated or numb sometimes and can’t put your finger on why.
Are proud of your ambition, work ethic, assertiveness, decisiveness, and toughness, yet see that this ain’t the full picture. Especially when it comes to the people who matter the most.
Suspect that the next level of contentment isn't about more stuff or more money (hint: we find it in connection, values alignment, and emotional intelligence).
Are ready to get to work, but you know it’s sure as shit not going to be with that influencer talking about her inner child manifestation abundance yoga workshop.
Understand that the real alpha doesn’t dominate the room – he stabilises it.

...this is for you.

The Realignment Mentorship Program

Phase 1: Real-World Emotional Intelligence

State. It starts with the Anti-Burnout Toolkit, which is our recovery and maintenance system to stop the burnout and help ourselves find space to think better. We learn to leverage our physiology to adjust our psychology. Topics include nervous system management, emotional regulation, breathwork, and shifting our state. These tools will already help us be better leaders at home and at work, because we learn to match our state to the situation.

Awareness. Metacognition, understanding our values, and understanding the value of our emotions. By learning to think about our thoughts, feelings and actions, we can unearth what matters to us, what drives us, and why the things that get under our skin get under our skin.

Pattern recognition. Once we have the emotional acuity to label and process our emotions, we can dive deeper into our patterns. This is system 1 and system 2 thinking in action. We investigate the stories we tell ourselves. These stories either serve us or hold us back, and most of them were installed before we were 15. We find the outdated code and ask: does this story still serve me well?

Phase 2: Playing with Fire

That voice in your head. Labeling and processing our emotions is one thing – learning to manage them is another. It’s hard to manage well if we don’t make peace with ourselves. And before we learn to open up to those important to us, we need to learn to adjust how we talk to ourselves. This is a foundational skill that bridges awareness and action.

Opening up to those who matter.This is the skillset they should've taught us in school. Society encourages girls to do this from a young age, while boys are taught to harden up. So we work with our conditioning first, not against it, by learning to set thoughtful boundaries, caveats and principles. From a firmer structure we can accept that emotions bring important information. Then, we can identify and communicate what they’re calling our attention to without losing our cool or shutting down.

Phase 3: Building with Evidence, Not Affirmations

High-Performance Habits. The densest and most rewarding part, because we have to earn this phase with all the other inner work first. Emotional intelligence is the cornerstone of sustainable high-performance. We realign values, and go deep on identity, purpose, service, and relationships. Then, we build the practical habits to sustain this change (there’s so much more to this shit than ice baths). Because here's how lasting change actually works for high-achieving men: you build evidence until it is undeniable. We build a system that helps you continue to follow through. We close the gap between who you want to be, and what you do in the wild.

The next cohort kicks off in September

One last thing — here’s the truest thing I know about this decision.

You're going to choose your pain either way:

The clean pain of facing it: it’s hard up front, but frees you once you deal with it.

The dirty pain of avoiding it: you’re shackled to the guilt, regret, rumination, and resentment indefinitely.

Choose the clean pain.

Here's how:

Step 1: Click here to apply— it’ll take you 7 to 10 minutes to complete. I read every one personally.

Step 2: I personally reply to you within 48 hours on your preferred channel — IG DM, email, WhatsApp, or Telegram.

Looking forward to working with you, brother.

See you on the other side,

Ian Tan | TheBrotherBu

PS: As soon as you're accepted into a cohort, you’ll be sent a booking link to schedule your 90-minute Alignment call, as well as a payment link, and we can get to work.